Hello! We are lightening things up this week. Well, if you consider me telling you all the various ways I think romance is dead1 as lighter fare? Recently, Amazon Prime released a movie straight to streaming, which normally is not a good thing, but! everyone is saying positive things about The Idea of You, starring Oscar-winning2 actress Anne Hathaway and a pretty blond boy named Nicholas Galitzine. This film is based on a book which I have never (and will never) read, because I don’t read romance (for reasons that will soon be apparent). I have heard the filmmakers changed some major plot points, like…um, the ending?? And people really seem to like that! If you are not aware (I wasn’t), for a book to be “romance” it should technically have a “happily ever after” (people in the biz say “HEA”) or at least a “happily for now” (HFN, you get it) among other criteria that you will undoubtedly hear if you join any sort of book community with romance fans3. Talk of “fanfic” has also swirled around this movie, because the main character is supposedly kind of Harry Styles-ish, but my number one Deep Throat-level source on all things HS told me, no, it’s not actually fanfic, and I believe her.
Please journey with me and my cold, dark heart as I dabble in cosplaying someone who believes in romantic love4 and we watch this movie together. [SPOILERS AHEAD]
Starting out with a classic Maggie Rogers song and some nice LA exterior shots. Oh! It’s my old neighborhood (Silver Lake). I’m not NOT interested?
Our protagonist is packing a lot of books for a…camping trip? And her teenage daughter is going to Coachella with her ex-husband. A real Sophie’s Choice of a weekend, yikes.
Reid Scott is here, and he is, of course, her smarmy ex. He is the perfect slimeball, always (and I would definitely make out with him as I am not someone who learns my lesson).
Wait, the ex bails on the trip within minutes, and Anne is forced to take the kids instead. Even watching someone over 40 at Coachella makes me feel panicked. This just isn’t a place for people who care about hydration and sleep. But neither is camping5, so I can’t feel too bad.
Coachella-VIP boy band, August Moon, has a lead singer with the worst security in all of stardom. The meet cute is in his Coachella trailer because she “mistakes” it for a bathroom and then he listens to her pee and it convinces him he’d like her to hang out??? We’re ten minutes in, and I’m already rolling my eyes.
I will not cover the fake tattoos on this man but you can read Hunter Harris’s Substack for the details. (I would like to talk about the pinky rings though. Blech!)
Anne’s (Solène is her character name?) whole seduction game in a lot of bashful/embarrassed down stares. Does this work?? Well, it works for Anne Hathaway!
Oh no, August Moon is “performing” whole songs and doing lil’ dances. And she’s still gonna want to bone him? Ick. No.
I do like this mother/daughter relationship though. Kudos to not making the teenagers assholes.
OH NO, now he is singing a cheesy song directly to her in the crowd? Anne’s character is definitely not an Aquarian or she would be bursting into flames in discomfort.
Solène’s friends host a 40th party for her (lovely) at someone’s house but they are having dinner for 8 at an outside table while a bunch of extra guests mingle standing indoors without food? Rude! Everyone hits on her even though they are presumably also her closest friends??
There’s a long section involving the art gallery she curates and here is when I realize that these parts of the movie were not actually shot in LA. (Nice try, Atlanta!) That was my main draw, so now I’ve got to grit out the love story.
I agree with August Moon (Hayes) that Solène is “hot or whatever” and I do understand why a boy bander yanked out of late adolescence to become a singing sensation would have a mommy complex..or just be tired of screaming tweens. But, I struggled with a 40-year old grown ass woman wanting to fuck around and find out with a 24-year old6 (especially since they are doing a LOT of finding out before any actual fucking).
This is neither here nor there but Solène says her ex wrecked her life 3 years ago and tells a story about a party and coming home and “paying the sitter”, but her daughter is 17? She had a sitter for a 14-year old? I have concerns.
45+ minutes in and we finally have kissing! I think that is too long, and I don’t feel this make-out in my loins because it’s not dirty, like AT ALL (yes, I know this is a romance not Challengers, but a girl can hope). Also, he weirdly kind of sniffs between her (clothed) boobs beforehand? Then, she’s mean to him (I get that part that is truly my only move) and throws him out.
The 17-year old daughter is off to…camp. (Sure!) I see what’s coming (as anyone even remotely familiar with this formula does).
Solène watches some August Moon videos in bed, and that is as close to kink as this movie will get. Still! She is inspired to fly to NYC in an insanely tight dress for a hotel rendezvous. Sexy time, incoming! (I can’t stop thinking about the terrible gas I would have from flying in restrictive clothing. That’s real middle age!)
The next 30 minutes are essentially a lot of very darkly lit (mundane) sex and travel frolicking. It looks like a…fine time. Do I feel like these people are emotionally/mentally connecting with one another? Uh, no. But, we are sex positive here, so if everyone’s giving consent, romp away.
On the PJ with the band/groupies, Solène is introduced as Hayes’ “art consultant” which is now code for “groupie over 40”? Being trapped on a plane with a dozen inebriated 24-and-unders sounds like something I barely wanted to do in college when I was one7.
Nice try for the set designers attempting to make this Atlanta home look like a villa in the South of France. Bad vibes abound here as Solène freaks out over making conversation with the bikini-clad groupies (like Anne Hathaway doesn’t have a bangin’ bod, but whatever) who make her feel “old”. Rather than this being cool - Solène is actually hot, successful and intelligent (up until she met this baby popstar, at least)- she lets these bitches drag her under. Bye, Hayes!
When she gets home, there’s a mess involving paparazzi and photos, which I’m trying to care about, but I still haven’t seen much evidence that - especially Solène- is emotionally supported or intellectually invested in this relationship, so I’m struggling. Could they maybe read a book together?
Reid Scott (her ex, IDK his character name) says a bunch of dick things about Solène dating a younger pop star and now I want them to bang in front of him, out of spite. This is a reason to stay together!
There’s a lot of public attention some of which is legitimate and some is dumb, but the daughter character is the real VIP here. You need to care about their relationship for the storyline, and I actually do! I wish I could say as much for our dear lovers.
Video montages are the stand-in for relationship building in The Idea of You. They are not particularly good videos and the songs are made-up August Moon tunes, so this doesn’t really work with my personal fantasies.
“Oh didn’t I tell you? People hate happy women” is a great line and Annie Mumolo (the BFF) nails the delivery.
Shocker! I don’t love the ending. I also don’t love the scene before the ending where they appear to be kissing inside a mood ring?? I *do* love that Solène loves her kid and cares about her happiness, and that her kid also loves her and cares about her happiness.
We did it! As these things go, this isn’t bad! I see why people like it, but I also wish there were more real relationships on screen, and particularly people who need many relationships (platonic, familial and…maybe least of all, romantic) to make them feel whole and complete and held and loved. I also wish there’d been more dirty banging.
Romance is not my ministry!!!! Thanks for stopping by!
Clarification: I actually believe romance never existed and is basically caused by a combo of mind-control techniques and brain chemicals. xx, your fave Aquarian
Anne won her Oscar 11 years ago for Les Mis (barf face emoji, barf face emoji, unless that’s your thing then, YAY)
They are kind of the vegans of the book world in that way? (Don’t yell at me.)
When I say dabble, I mean try to say one or two nice things
Anyone who knows me, knows that camping zinger was coming
I do not mind the age difference, if he were 34 and she was 50 this would all make more sense to me.
To be clear, I never flew on a private jet in college, though I was once on a very small commuter plane where a handsome man switched to the seat next to me….and proceeded to ask if I’d accepted Jesus in my heart. (I went to school in South Carolina.)
“They are the vegans of the book world” made me guffaw loudly! 😂
Hated the book. Liked the movie. Love these takes.
-A vegan, cancer, romance-loving reader