Frivolous Friday Pop Culture Report

I don't have anything nice to say

My recent Instagram poll veered to “tell a celebrity story that is only funny to me”, and honestly, 90% of the stories I tell are only funny to me, that is the Aquarian Way. We are hilarious, but it’s kind of a top secret club¹. I should have checked my available material before I offered this as an option.

Tell ‘em, Pedro

Anyways, the current celebrity stories making the gossip rounds are either serious- say about Pedro Pascal calling J.K. Rowling’s actions evil, heinous business (and I don’t disagree, can someone please make her shut up) or about Old Men dating Young Women, a tale as old as time².

Let me pause for a minute to comment on the Young Woman, Old Man trope. I cannot think of a single thing that makes a man less interesting to me (this is already precarious ground, men need new material across-the-board) than choosing somebody who still hasn’t had to renew her adult passport. Before you start telling me about exceptions, sure, they exist, but for the most part it’s a boring cliche for boring cliche reasons.

The latest celeb³ catching some air time for this is Smartless co-host and former Arrested Development actor, Will Arnett, aged 54. Arnett has two kids with Amy Poehler (age-appropriate and seemingly an amicable divorce), one kid with his last girlfriend (38) and was recently squiring an influencer who is somewhere between 28-31 to Gigi Hadid’s birthday (30), presumably because he is BFF’s with her boyfriend and my perennial cross-to-bear, Bradley Cooper (50).

And I cannot make myself care about this, because it’s not even a fun thing to poke at anymore - it is literally one ever-running dad joke. Good luck, everybody! Let’s hope for better celeb stories next week.

I guess what I can tell you is that Saturday night, I went to

Traci Thomas

‘s post-LA Festival of Books gathering. I went on a very empty stomach, because you MUST bring snacks to the LA Festival of Books⁴ and sadly, I forgot. I tell you this, because I arrived, had half a margarita and began introducing myself to every author there⁵. For example, I think RO Kwon is VERY cool and I worked out an opening line and everything. Toodled my tequila-ed ass right into a conversation she was having with another author (sorry to that man), and chopped it up! Danez Smith?? Hell, yeah, your girl had MATERIAL. We even got our photo snapped together by the event photographer, a sure sign I was KILLING IT⁶. Confidence was HIGH. Time to roll over to the Vibe Check guys and talk some shit. Vibe Check is my second favorite podcast after The Stacks⁷ and Traci and I got to go to their live taping at the Ford Theater last year, so technically, she had introduced me once before. All of the guys are extremely [every positive superlative], but Zach Stafford is truly an angel. By then my “material”⁸ was getting a little stale, but he never faltered and I salute him for humoring me so effortlessly. According to some of my friends, I additionally talked to some other authors I didn’t recognize by sight⁹, so I also kept some people humble that night. «Invite me to your next event.»

Trust me, I know a lot of you are **wishing** I’d also had two drinks on an empty stomach before I worked out with Josh Hartnett at my hotel gym in NYC last month. I am, too¹⁰!! All of that limited eye contact and handing off of dumbbells could have turned into, “I re-watch Wicker Park every time I go to Chicago.” (Wait, maybe I shouldn’t give away all my best lines.) Your loss, Josh.

Did you read all the way down to here?? I am sorry for that. But while you’re here can you please go donate to Stack the Shelves??? This book event will benefit people who lost their homes and items in the LA Fires, and I am BOOKED¹¹ AND BUSY helping out with it.

This concludes my most shambling Pop Culture Friday yet - live large, friends! xx

1. Made up of only other Aquarians

2. We are talking men 45+ and women 30 and younger.

3. I will never consider Bill Belichick a celebrity, he is a football coach and a grumpy one at that. Also, the gap between him and his “girlfriend” is AN ENTIRE PERSON’S LIFETIME, namely, mine.

4. There are like 4 food trucks for 8k people, and one building with student dining options.

5. An hour in, Traci offered to introduce anyone to anyone at the event, but the tequila did not wait that long.

6. Reader, I was two margs in at this point, Danez is just a very kind individual.

7. It is close, they are both so great.

8. Telling the same LA Festival of Books story about Rachel Kushner and a terrible moderator.

9. And at some point, I guess stopped asking for names?!?!

10. If my trainer is reading this, JUST KIDDING!! I would never combine alcohol and heavy weights!!

11. Look, I know my way around a dad joke, I didn’t say I was *above* them…